A Study of a Heart
by Ginakira
Summary: One shot. Something is missing in Ryoma's life and he returns to Japan to find it. Just a bit of TezuRyo musing, not really a plot.


**Loosely based on end of the anime but it was written in several stages so I'm not sure if it actually follows through. Inspired rather randomly when I was looking at HxH pics and saw one of a heart with the Judgement chain around it. Don't ask me how, it just did.**

**Disclaimer: PoT does not belong to me**

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A study of the Heart

Science says it is a very important life giving organ. Romance says it is the source of love. Logic says it is the most vulnerable part of a person.

Echizen Ryoma says it is why he is where he is today. After all, thinking back, it was that which almost made him decline his first US Open invitation. Then Tezuka buchou had pushed him away and he had drifted with the currents.

But it was a heart that drew them back together, even though Ryoma had pushed Tezuka to the back of his mind after their last match and smothered him with tennis, new opponents and titles.

Echizen Ryoma was a conqueror; he flattened every opponent he came across and reached heights that others could only dream of. That was the way of all who carry the name of Echizen; losing did not exist. At least not in tennis. But maybe that was just their exterior, may be in the silence of their own hearts they can admit that they have lost, somewhere, sometime in life.

For Samurai Nanjiroh, his tennis legendary, but his attempts to encourage his son to aspire to new heights backfired miserably and only served to enstrange them from each other even more.

Then Ryoma gets to himself. He knows he has gained a lot from tennis as well and the cost was a closer knit family. His heart interrupts him with the whisper of a disapproving frown, determined eyes and a quiet voice that demanded the utmost obedience and respect. But Ryoma argues that you cannot lose someone you never had to begin with.

So Echizens were all the same, but being of a bloodline that never takes defeat lying down, they manage to turn the bleak situations to their advantage. After all, few fathers could find the same perverse amusement in baiting their sons and setting a bad example as Echizen Nanjiroh. And Ryoma quite obviously beat everyone this time, managing to stay on top of the world while his world shook as an anchor crumbled in his life.

They told him his father had been diagnosed with a heart problem made worse by the smoking. His own heart constricted for a moment; anger the old man had chosen not to take care of himself, worry of how his mother would take it and regret they had not had a more amiable relationship. Then he went on playing his tournament, smirk in place and no other emotion visible on his face.

May be he would have felt more in the past, back when he had first gone to Japan from the US. Back when the old man was his sole target in life, when they bickered and played matches everyday. Back then, envisioning a future without the loud mouth would have been very difficult. Now, they only saw each other several times a year and then, only because Rinko dictated that everyone had to be present for family dinners. Otherwise, Ryoma stayed at school, went on tournaments and played tennis. He didn't know what Nanjiroh did with his time, probably find new rated magazines to read.

Ryoma's heart leaped when his mother told him over the phone that Nanjiroh wanted to move back to Japan, they weren't making it compulsory that he came with them as they knew he could take care of himself and he had commitments and friends in the US. Ryoma cut her off at "friends" and told her to send his plane tickets to the school even as pictures welled up in his memory of a bouncy red head who liked to hug him and a certain worrisome doubles partner too much and two tall figures who argued incessantly. When he played a match later he would see a smiling brunette who played with his eyes closed and a tall figure to the side taking notes in a small notebook. That evening he had a sudden craving for Japanese food, sushi in particular.

That night he dreamed of defeat, of the sun on hot clay, the smooth movements of a white racquet in a left hand. He dreamed of a voice that told him to become the pillar of Seigaku, to reach for the very top. Ryoma wanted desperately to make this person smile at him in pride but he was afraid too. Will you be there to catch me if I fall? Ryoma woke up feeling fear suffocate him. He was at the very top and he'd never felt more scared and lonely.

It was strange how easily he slipped back into Japanese life; the stiff and proper uniforms should have irritated him and the extreme politeness should have grated on his nerves as it meant he had to be polite back. It had, after all, taken him nearly a whole year to re-adapt to American life; a year of stumbling out of bed two hours too early six days a week, dressing in a familiar blur and white tracksuit and grabbing his tennis bag before reality caught up with him. He should have exalted at being able to sleep in. He took up jogging instead; the familiar exercise comforted him for some unfathomable reason.

He was a junior at Seishun High that year and only a few people remembered him. It had been four long years and many students he had known did not ascend to this school, all having found their own directions eventually. He had no idea where his former team members had gone for the first few days; here and there, he heard snatches of conversations involving familiar names. Momo and Kaidoh had been forewarned by Sakuno, who had in turn been told by her grandmother about the circumstances which led to Ryoma's return and they had respectfully given him some space to find his bearings again. Eventually, Ryoma had gone to the tennis courts, the rhythmic sound of ball on string reassuring him.

"Fuji-sempai got a scholarship to study photography in Europe."

"Oishi-sempai and Kikumaru-sempai are going to Tokyo University together."

"Kawamura-sempai's taken over his father's shop and Inui-sempai went to study some obscure science course."

Both third years fell silent then and Ryoma could hear his own heart thumping, waiting for one more name.

In the end, Ryoma heard it from Ryuzaki Sakuno. Tezuka was studying Sports Management at Tokyo University but he didn't play competitive tennis any more. In fact, high school tennis saw the last of Tezuka Kunimitsu when the tennis star of Seishun High was in his junior year. One last win and all of a sudden, Tezuka had decided not to enter any more tournaments and resigned from the club. No one ever knew why, Sakuno told him, her voice soft and steady, well, may be Fuji-sempai did but Tezuka-sempai drifted from them and no one had really spoken to him much. He was still involved with tennis; Ryuzaki-sensei had heard that Tezuka-sempai had taken up coaching instead and worked part-time at a local sports club.

That evening, Ryoma gained membership to a small tennis club that was twenty minutes away from where he lived by bus.

It had taken him a lot of time to understand this but finally, just may be; he knows why Tezuka pushed him away. Time waited for no one, his oyaji was a prime example, and Echizen Ryoma hated losing.

Ryoma felt no internal butterflies when he first laid eyes on Tezuka again, seeing him patiently correcting the grips of a group of elementary school kids. There were no fireworks when their eyes met through the fence. Ryoma didn't feel an urge to fling himself into Tezuka's arms after the children had run off to their parents, all eagerly reviewing what they had learnt today. In fact, the silence that settled over them was so palpable that Ryoma almost wished they were surrounded by people again.

They didn't play tennis. Instead, they walked back to Tezuka's apartment, the silence easing until Ryoma could breathe and think again. Tezuka was just as he'd remembered, still taller than himself by a head with the same commanding presence that calmed him.

"Why don't you play anymore?" he asked after making himself comfortable on the sofa; he had no intention of leaving any time soon.

The ultimate act of trust is to put your heart down as the stake and trust him to do what is right.

"Does it matter?" _Does it matter to you if I play competitive tennis or just coach young children? Would it affect your decision? Are you ready to make your decision?_ Ryoma was proud that he could finally hear those unspoken questions Tezuka was asking him and he wondered what else had been asked in the past, how long has he been waiting?

"Not really." Ryoma answered casually.

The ultimately act of love is letting go, but it doesn't always mean sacrificing yourself for their happiness. It means giving them a chance to experience alternatives, allowing them to choose for themselves and trusting that they will make the right choice.

Ryoma pulled Tezuka's hands into his own.

"I'm tired of flying, buchou. I want to come home."

Not one person recognised Ryoma when he tagged along when Tezuka went grocery shopping and they were forced to wait in a horrendously long queue.

Echizen Ryoma was nobody special to the general public here but he'd never felt more loved and alive as he felt now. He was the centre of one person's universe, that was enough to conclude he had won absolutely everything he could want.

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**Review and tell me if it's good or bad?**


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